#anyway it's 4am and the perfect time to be selfish

[eiramew]

Wishing there were more disabled destiny characters in game...

[verdart]

I made the unfortunate decision to comment on a tiktok saying

"Blitz has every right to doubt Stolas' intentions and I will di on this hill defending Blitz"

Which made me actually realize in the context of Stolitz how much the fandom vilifies Blitz.

Upon rewatch I realized that he is actually kinda innocent lmao. So here comes the rant hop on in Verda rants at 4am again train.

The thing is first of all we need to work our media literacy muscles. So Stolas stans who think he is a uwu babygirl that dod nothing wrong repeat after me. "Blitz didn't watch "just look my way", "owl in a cage" or any other Stolas longing scene that we cried over"

Now that thats setteled I don't want to hear any "he is trying" bs because as of now (pre full moon s2e8) he hasn't actually done anything that Blitz is aware.

Lets start from the top my initial comment was about how Stolas treated him for so long before actually catching the feelings and how Blitz has a right to think he is not genuine.

Up top lest start with the condescending pet names and I won't be hearing Blitz cant be mad at that Stolas does it bc he thinks he likes it... jesus okay s2e1 when stolas starts the imp dirty talk what does blitz do a) encourage him b) get naked and dtf bc that was hot, c) shuts him up

Ding ding ding C. Stolas can still take this as bedtime play sure but we have a case for Blitz not liking it from day one. Other than that we all know he views Stolas' (perhaps in his mind endearing) pet names as condescention.

Secondly even if we ignore the power imbalance Stolas is the one to suggest the transactional fucking... s1e1 even tho in the forst time it was Blitz's doing, sorta. So don't at me saying well Blitz just uses him for the grimoire, like girly duh that was the premise. But Stolas also uses Blitz. Imo lending a book vs fucking in payment is a bot excessive but for Blitz's case beggars cant be chosers.

Now to the elephant in the room... Ozzie's. Does Blitz invite him (Stolas) purely out of selfish intentions that has nothing to do with him? Yes. Is he a dick? Yes. But Does Stolas hide his fucking face when he has a reality check? Yes. But then y'all be mad bc Blitz pulled his hand back.

That night Stolas was read once, Blitz was like at least 2 times... if we don't count the stuff for Stolas by proxy. He was having a hard night bro. And after Stolas invites him he is like no and Stolas respects that. Which if the show didn't add s2e2 in between it wouldve been a perfect stepping stool to get the Stolitz on healthy communication territory but that didn't happen.

I cannot for the life of me pin point when Stolas genuinely falls for Blitz. If its from day one damn it took him long enough to understand what he was doing was wrong.

Anyways we as fans can't be mad at Stolas because we know he is starting to understand the absolute power imbalance he created and the position he left Blitz in. He has realized that the thing is lets remember and repeat "Blitz is not watching the show with us". Blitz doesn't know of this sudden change of heart.

Now to adress a few meaningful interactions we have after ozzies. The fucking pixelated phone texts from s2 western energy.

Stolas apologizes but in that way that I look down upon. "Sorry if" like girl own it up anyways Blitz brushes it off and Stolas instead just goes hehe I didnt care either. Yall need relationship therapy my god. Important thing is Stolas was trying to reach out. But instead of going anything I said that made you upset etc he could've actually apologize properly for getting ashamed. Tho Blitz should also apologize for inviting him on a date for his own gain but thats another bag of worms I won't open tonight.

Other than that he has put off seeing him and doing the transactional fucking for a while. During those times. And as we know from all the phones Blitz breaks after talking to Stolas and hearing hus dirty talk he isn't too excited about. We don't exactly know if he comes or not on those nights. But he is also showm to be quite comfortable in s2e2 with the "my dick is good but its not that good" comment so maybe they do continue the arrangement... idk. Either way we know they haven't really talked.

All I am saying is that both parties of this ship are guilty af of hurting eachother and taking advantage of eachother. But as the power house of this power imbalance, Stolas needs to be held accountable. And he is doing that now!! Or will, in s2e8 and I can't wait to see how that goes. Overall, I can see totally why Blitz shuts down any signs that Stolas might actually be into him. He has a good bunch of reasons too. And as far as we've seen from the trailer we will get to hear him say it out loud as he should.

[unloved-cadillac]

(angst prompt 1) 1,9 and 10

modern au

reader is dating mikasa but mikasa and eren have been hooking up for a while even before they started dating so mikasa breaks it off and the reader wishes them the best and luck even though they are really sad and stuff but eren and mikasa doesn’t last very long to him being an ass and mikasa realizing she doesn’t love him like that and she tries to win back the reader but it takes a lot of convincing

C/n: whoa SHIT! You have no idea how much I love this request. It’s the perfect angst. Thanks for requesting and I hope that you enjoy🤍

——————————————————————————

Is It Too Late? (Milasa x Reader)

Mikasa laid next to Eren as she smoked a cigarette. Her arm propped behind her head as she looks at the boy who made a home in her heart ever since she could remember. Eren had been there for her ever since she could remember and to have him in more ways than one made Mikasa the happiest girl in the world.

Her thoughts are pulled away as her phone rings. The caller id made Milasa frown but she answered it anyway.

“Hello?”

“Mika! Hi, babe. Listen I’m at the grocery store and I saw this cereal you like. Captain Crunch or something? What flavor do you like?”

Mikasa runs a hand down her face and puts out her cigarette. “Uh, why..are you getting me cereal?” She asks and you stop looking at the cereal. “I just thought you’d like it. I saw it at your apartment and I just wanted to confirm.”

“Don’t get me anything, Y/n. I’ll get it myself. I gotta go.”

“Ok. Bye. Lov-..”

Mikasa hangs up before you could tell her but you just sigh and put the cereal back on the shelf. This wasn’t anything knew. Mikasa and you had been dating for a few months now and even though she was the one who asked you out, she seemed to keep a lot of stuff to herself. She shuts herself out from you and hardly makes time for you. You thought it was just the way she is but if Armin’s Instagram stories tell you anything, she had time. Just not for you.

When you arrive home, you unpack your groceries and shoot Mikasa a text.

‘Hi babe. I’m making dinner tonight. Come over?’

You wait for her reply and even though she was active she didn’t reply to you as soon as it delivered. You shake your head and put your phone down and begin to make your supper. Five minutes later, your phone dings.

‘I’ll come over.’

~~~~

As you were cleaning up from dinner prep, a knock sounds on your door and you smile knowing who it is. Checking through the peephole, you quickly unlock your door and smile at Mikasa. “Hi. Come in.” You greet and she walks in. She doesn’t take off her jacket, something she always did when she came over.

Mikasa turns around and scratches her head. You pick up on her sudden mood and you start to get a bit anxious. “Mika? You good?” You ask as you walk to the kitchen island.

“No. Listen, Y/n. We need to talk.”

Oh no. You stop fidgeting with your hands and lay them on top of the counter. “Sure. What’s up?” Mikasa sighs and looks at you. That look..it was so empty. Nothing. It scared the shit out of you.

“We..shouldn’t continue this.” She motions between the two of you. “I’ve been seeing someone else and I just feel like what we have isn’t what I need right now.” She says and you lips part. Did she really just say..that she was seeing someone while dating you? “Mikasa. You were cheating on me?” You ask and she nods. You scoff and look down at your hands which were shaking.

“How long?”

“Ever since we’ve been together. Actually, way before that.” Mikasa tells you like it was so normal. Like it was a thing everybody does. “Is that why you hardly had time for me?”

Mikasa nods and you furrow your eyebrows. “How are you so calm about this?” You cry out and Mikasa looks up at you. “I don’t know. Y/n, Eren has been..” “EREN?! Eren fucking Yeager? Are you kidding me? The friend who introduced me to you? The person you told me that he was a “close” friend of yours? Well, obviously I was mislead about that.” You run a hand through your hair.

“Y/n, listen. I love you and I love him. But it just so happened that Eren and I seemed, I don’t know, better together?”

You look at her, dumbstruck. “How can you love two people at the same time? That’s ridiculous. I don’t even think you love me because if you did you would never have done this. We’re over now. You don’t need to defend yourself anymore. I hope that you’re happy with him.” You start to walk to the door and open it. “Y/n.”

“Please, Mikasa. Leave me alone.”

You tell her and she walks out the door. When she turned around, the door gets slammed on her face and she sighs. Well, at least she didn’t have to sneak around anymore. She lights a cigarette and makes her way to her car.

~~~~

Three months later, Mikasa laid on Eren’s bed as he played on his Switch. She looked at him and ran a hand on his bare chest but he clicks his tongue. “Mikasa move your fucking hand.” He shrugs her hand off and sits up and groans. “Now look. I fucking lost.” He rolls his eyes at her and wakes up rom his bed and heads to the bathroom. After he shuts the door, Mikasa leans up and sits against the headboard.

Normally when you and her chilled on your bed, you always had a limb on her no matter what you were doing. And you would always kiss her whenever you had the chance. She missed having that affection.

What is she doing? Why were you clouding her mind all of a sudden? It’s not like she still loved you...did she?

Mikasa opened her phone and went straight to her gallery. The stupid, funny selfies that you took of yourself were still there and she watched the videos you sent her. The one of the flock of cool birds flying over you. The cute dog you met. Everything.

Eren didn’t even send her pictures or a text apart from telling her to come over. She missed seeing your name pop up on her screen at 4am to tell her the weird dream you had. She missed how happy you made her feel. She missed those little moments with you.

She missed you.

Quickly putting on her pants and shirt, she headed for the door and left Eren to go back to the person she took for granted.

~~~~

When Mikasa arrived at your apartment, it was locked. Looked like you weren’t home and she wanted to call you but she was certain you had blocked her number. So she waited for you. And waited. And waited.

Finally, a car pulled up and you stepped out of it with..another guy. You smile and kiss the guy’s cheek and face your door to see Mikasa sitting there.

“Mikasa? What the hell are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?” She asks as she shoves her hands in her pockets and you roll your eyes. “The last time you said that I found out you cheated. So no. We can’t talk.” You say and shake your head. “Please, Y/n. I won’t take much of your time. Please.” Her voice trails off at the end and puts her head down.

The guy you came with whispered in your ear and you smiled. “Okay. I’ll call you later.” He smiles and kisses your temple. When the guy leaves, you cross your arms over your chest and stare at Mikasa.

“Who’s that?”

“Why do you care? What do you want, Mikasa? Why are you here?”

“Can’t we talk inside?”

“No.”

Mikasa sighs and bites her lip. “I..broke up with Eren.” She whispers and you chuckle. Mikasa did not like that. She hated how there was so much of mock in that chuckle. “And? What am I supposed to do about it?”

“No. You don’t understand. I broke up with him because I love you.”

You sigh out an irritated breath and shake your head. “Mikasa, you can’t do that. You can’t come here after three months expecting me to take you back because you “love” me,” you say with air quotes, “you cheated on me. If I did the same thing would you forgive me? If I betrayed your trust like that would you forgive me?” You ask and she walks to you.

When she reaches for you, you slap her hands away. “Y/n. Let’s just try again. I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust back. I love you. I always have and I was so stupid for thinking that I loved Eren too. I’m an idiot. I’m a selfish, self-centered idiot who broke up with the only person who loved me for me.” Mikasa let a tear fall from her black eyes and you felt your heart stop. You never saw her cry before since she always wanted to be the strong one in a relationship.

“Every day for the past three months, I hoped you would call me. Not even to say anything sweet. Even if it was just for you to cuss at me, yell or anything. I just wanted to hear your voice. You made me feel so loved and all I did was throw it away. I just...want a second chance.” She looks deep into your eyes and you shake your head. In all the time that you knew Mikasa, she never showed emotion. In the words she was telling you now, it had more emotion in the entire time you dated her.

Mikasa holds your face and close your eyes. “Please, Y/n. You’re the only good thing in my life and I can’t go on without you. Please.” She kisses your forehead.

You slowly pry her hands away from your face and wipe your tears. “We can’t try again. We would only come back to square one. Arguing, bringing your cheating up again. Mikasa, it’s broken. We can’t fix it anymore.” You whisper and she shakes her head. “No, Y/n. Don’t say that. You’re my whole heart, Y/n. Just give me a chance. I’ll be better. For you, for us.” She rests her forehead against yours as she holds your hands.

It’s silent. The sounds of passing cars and rustling leaves filled the void and you couldn’t give an answer right now. So you pulled away and cupped her face. “Let me..think about this. I need time.” You whisper and she nods. “I’ll wait for you, Y/n.”

You let her go and head inside your apartment before giving her one last look. Maybe this could be saved.

——————————————————————————

“You’re my whole heart.”

🖤🤍Thanks for reading🤍🖤

-Caddy.

[navalcriminalimagines]

request by @batnervousdazecollector: Hiii🥰I hope you’re doing gewddd hehe. So I’ve never made a request or suggestion for a fix but this literally keeps me up at night now, but I heard the song and immediately thought of sonny. Could you maybe do a fic based on driver’s license-Olivia Rodrigo? 😇🙏🏽please and thank you

words: 1,583

Drivers license

“Doll, you have thirty minutes to pack a bag. I have the week off, we’re going on that road trip we talked about,”

Most beautiful week in your 25 years of life. People would tell you “You’re young, you still have so much to live.” But they don’t know, they don’t understand. That week with Sonny was everything you ever dreamt about. Driving across the east coast, sleeping in the old van he rented, stopping to the most amazing point of view on the ocean. For an entire week, it was just you and him. Nothing more, nothing less. And it was perfect. That’s something nobody can take away from you.

You wished time would have stopped during this week. You wished that you never had to come back and face the reality. That’s why you still looked at those pictures you and Sonny took during that trip and fall asleep, every night, remembering all of those precious moments. From the moment you got into the plane and held his hand firmly since you were scared, to the last night when you passionately made love under the stars. The times he made you drive although you had no idea what you were doing, swimming in the ocean, watching a ridiculous movie in the van as it was raining outside, taking hours to befriend a deer, singing until your voices were off…

But now, you’re falling asleep alone, crying, remembering this week and the entire year you dated Sonny. Again, you fought with your friends tonight. They are tired of listening to you talking about him. After the breakup, they were very supportive, they helped you in every way they can, but it’s been a year now, and they just want you to get over him for good. You can’t. Cause they'll never know him the way that you do.

Sonny got home late that night. He was working on a tough case and he spent hours going through surveillance videos. He was tired, worn down, with a killer headache. All he wanted to do was join you into bed and hold you close to him. But to his surprise, you were still up. You were sitting on the couch, with your computer on your lap. The tv was on but he could tell you weren’t watching it. He kissed your forehead softly but you didn’t react. “It’s 2am babe, let’s go to bed,” he said.

“Nah, I’m good,” you answered.

You obviously were in a bad mood, but he couldn’t deal with it right now. He told you he was going to take a shower. You figured he would come back after but instead, you heard him going to bed. Angry, you stood up and walked to the bedroom. “Seriously, Dominick?”

“What?” His face was buried in his pillow.

“You’re going to bed and just—leave me like that?”

He growled and sat up on the bed. “Like what, Y/N? It’s always the same. When I come home late at night, you’re mad because I missed a night out with your friends, or I just wasn’t there. I have a job, and I’m very exhausted right now. I really don’t want to do this,”

“Well, I do. Cause you got it wrong tonight. I didn't have my driver’s license. Again,”

“You’ll get it next time, okay?”

“Is that everything you have to say? You know how important it is to me!”

“Y/N, there’s far more important things in this world then your fucking drivers license! Women are raped, they get killed. Trust me, they wish their driver’s license was the only problem they had!”

You know you messed up. He wouldn’t have broken up with you if you’ve acted differently. But he was your first real boyfriend, you were new to this and you didn’t know how to handle it. You should have been more attentive with him, more caring. And not stupidly jealous and selfish.

“Sorry I’m late babe. Amanda needed help with Jesse,” he peeked your lips and sat across you.

“Could’ve given me a heads up, Dom. I’ve been waiting here for an hour, all by myself,”

“I know, I’m sorry! I didn’t have time to pick me my phone,”

“Sure. Because you were too busy with Jesse—or maybe with Amanda,” you muttered.

“Don’t—don’t do this again, Y/N,”

“Why not? You always put her first!”

“I do not. But she has a baby, and a full time job as a detective. She’s my friend, I’m here for her. That’s it,”

“‘Your friend’, right.”

“Quit it, Y/N! I’m not cheating on you with Amanda, or with anyone else for that matter. It’s hurtful that you don’t trust me,”

You should have trusted him. He deserved it. He did everything he could to make you happy. The man was a full time detective, he took night school at Fordham Law, and he still managed to take care of everyone around him. The world needs more of Dominick Carisi Jr, but the world doesn’t deserve Dominick Carisi Jr.

Neither do you.

But still. You finally got your driver’s license and all you wanted to do was to call Sonny and tell him the good news. Driving has always been a big issue for you and you know, you wouldn’t have done it without him.

“Do you mind me asking you a question?” He asked.

“Shot,”

“Why don’t you have your driver's license? No judgment, I’m just very curious,”

It took a moment to finally tell him everything. “We had a car accident when I was 7. A very bad car accident. My father died, my mother was severely injured and I—I was paralyzed for years,”

“Your body aches when it’s very cold outside, is it—?”

“Yes, it’s because of it. My doc still tells me I should live somewhere warmer,” you paused. “After that, I couldn’t get into a car at all. With therapy I beat that fear and I was still very nervous, I would get panic attacks. Then, I managed to be comfortable but only with people I trust. Now, I’m okay with cars but not in the driver seat,”

Sonny helped you with that. More than he will ever know. Especially during that road trip you two had. It was the first time you sat in a driver seat and drove a little without having a panic attack. It took you two more years, but you finally got your driver’s license and now you drive alone past his street.

Is he happy now? Is he dating her and raising her children? You found out months ago she had another baby. Was this baby Sonny’s? You had so many questions and no answers.

“Dom,

I got my driver’s license last week. It felt good at first, I was so proud of myself… but now it’s bittersweet. You’re not here. I can’t drive to your home. I can’t invite you to a road trip. Or even just a little ride. I wish I could, just one time, as a thank you. I wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for you. You gave me the strength and confidence. You are a true diamond in this world and I will never get over the fact I let you go. I should have fought. Fought for you, for us. But it’s too late, right? We weren’t perfect but I never felt this way for no one. I hope you’re happy where you are. Happy with your life, but a part of me can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone. I could never.

Forever yours,

Y/N.”

What do you have to lose? You pulled over in his street, took a moment to breathe and you got out off your car. The letter in your hand, you walked to his building, entered the code and got in. It’s 4am, it’s dark, empty and very quiet. What are you doing? This is the stupidest thing ever. The worst idea in the history of ideas.

But still, you put the letter in his mailbox and left. You had nothing left to lose anyway.

He said forever, now you drive alone past his street.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” You asked, as your head was resting on his chest.

“I—I used to, but I guess I stopped at some point,”

“Why?” You lift your head to look at his beautiful blue eyes.

“I’m 35, not married, no kids. Speak for itself,”

“Hmm,” you put your head where it was before. “But—I’m here now,” you said without any confidence.

“Indeed, you are,” Sonny squeezed you tighter to his chest. “Didn’t say I couldn’t believe in it again,” he kissed your hair. He felt you were smiling against his skin.

“I like to think that—we all have that one special person, you know? It doesn’t mean it always works out. You may not be the special person to your special person. But I think we all have that person you’ll never forget, no matter what,” Sonny was listening intensely to what you were saying. It makes sense, maybe you’re right. “You’re my special person, Dominick,” you concluded.

Maybe this was the most beautiful declaration of love Sonny never got. And in that moment, he got carried away. He grabbed your chin with his fingers and made you lift your head to face him. “Forever, then,” he said before kissing you deeply.

He said forever. But he never said you were his special person.

[mythiccheroacademia]

African!Reader Series

Request: how would class 1-a’s main three be with a fem!black african s/o?

A/N: Did I just give myself my own request unprovoked? Yes I did. Am I gonna turn this into a series? Yes, because it’s about time I start being selfish with my own writing. This is gonna be the first time I see 100% of myself in a headcanon, so that’s exciting. Being stuck in that middle space between the culture you grew up in vs. the culture you’re born into is hard. Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. But, I’m learning to equally embrace both. So this is gonna be me navigating that space. I’m also excited for all my African/African-American (first gen) readers who’ve reached out to me about their experiences. Being African isn’t monolithic. I’m def gonna be keeping it vague enough for everyone to be seen. I’ll specify if I need to. Anyways, this is for y’all as well as myself. Hope everyone enjoys this 💋

All Characters are 18+

Warnings: cursing, some content that’s not even spicy enough to call pepper 💀

Midoriya Izuku:

just as with everything in his life, deku dedicates 100% of himself to learning everything there is about you

the first time he saw you? you had this man’s knees wobbling

your rich dark skin was doing wonders under the sunlight

and your body? went crazyyyy

but when he heard you speak your language, it was a wrap

doesn’t know how he ended up being your bf, but he doesn’t take you for granted

he’s always eager to learn more about your culture

has notebooks dedicated to your foods, clothing, hairtsyles, dancing, etc.

izuku practiced how to say I love you in your language for literally four weeks so he could say it to you perfectly on your six month anniversary

he stumbled a little, and his accent peeked out, but it was perfect and your emotional ass almost started crying

he studies and practices a lot so he can understand/speak to your parents if they don’t know english or japanese

your parents are urging you to marry this man. quickly.

he loves that you have 7000000 family members bc for awhile it was just him and his mom

your family loves him because he’s so sweet and respectful

already has the kids calling him uncle izuku

your mom and his mom use google translate to talk whiles they cook together and it’s so cute n wholesome

it makes you both go 🥺

a big part of your culture is dancing

whatever event you go to weddings, church, funerals, etc. you gotta dance, there’s just no getting around it my guy

you know your bf a little stiff in the hips LMAO so you show him some moves

and uh...he tries. really hard. but it’s looking rough so you just wave it off bc everyone gets hyped up regardless

so imagine your surprise when this man busts out with the shaku shaku at your auntie’s wedding, leg movement and hand gestures on point

the whole venue is screaming

they throwing money on him and everything😭

when y’all make it home (it’s like 4am smh) he’s knocked but you watch a little yt and find all these recommended how-to videoes about african dancing and everything makes sense

Bakugo Katsuki:

y’all met during a mission that required international heroes

being the asshole he was, he walked right through a conversation you were having w someone

him: “out of my way extras!”

he was shook when you told him to fuck off in perfect japanese before smacking your teeth and ending with “you foolish goat”

him: 😦😐😡 “hah!? what’d you just call me?”

and the rest was history

actually, he wouldn’t leave you alone and disguised it as him trying to intimidate you but it was bc your comebacks were so unique but so fucking funny (mannn the shit african parents be coming up w is violating 💀) and he was taking notes lowkey

you don’t take any of his shit and he loves it

it didn’t hurt that you looked like a goddess straight out of a fucking fairytale

he loves your sense of style

your hero costume is laden with traditional cloth and you just don’t see that anywhere

like your drip was immaculate

every time you step out, he’s thinking “motherland drip on meeee 😍”

he sends pictures of you to his parents to brag about you

speaking of which, ever since you met them he has this sneaky suspicion that they might like you more than their own child

but he couldn’t blame them bc after tasting your traditional dishes, he was sprung

especially the spicy foods you make bc they give him a run for his money (it’s not spicy unless you start sniffing)

has an uncanny ability of doing headwraps, like them shits are perfect on the first try

if you know your native language, please cuss him out in it, especially if your voice gets deeper

he’ll freak out on you at first, bc he’s a hothead, but it turns him on in the weirdest way

everyone knows he’s in deep when he starts adopting your insults and speech patterns

kirishima: *says something dumb*

him: “my friend, use your head before you speak to me, you castrated bull frog”

he even says it with the accent and all

and youre dying

my poor baby kiri is so confused even tho he knows he should be offended

Todoroki Shouto:

todoroki unofficially knew you bc he followed you on insta

he always thought you was a baddie but never had the chance to make his move

he was also a little scared of the culture clash

but then you dropped this here video with your friends 🥵

homeboy had never slid into anyone’s dms so fast before

he’s dead ready to change his life for you

luckily you knew english, so y’all were able to communicate

after two days of talking, he hits you with the “so when can I see you?” and he’s fine af so you make some plans and it goes really well

youre so different from any woman he’s met before and he loves that

you two are always talking about the similarities and differences of your cultures and it makes him fall harder for you

lives for your confidence

and your smile kills him every time

loves it when you start trying to speak to him in japanese, he doesn’t care if you butcher it

learns your language bc he wants to feel closer to you 🥺

show him some of your music and he’ll start playing it around the house

make him some soba with a twist of your traditional meals and he’ll drag you to the court house bc, ma’am, you finna be a todoroki starting today

whenever you step out in any traditional clothing, he insists that he takes pictures of you

when you start dancing and the ass starts a-jiggling, don’t expect him not to touch bc he will

don’t let him talk to your dad/uncles for too long bc he’ll start popping out with a dashiki print shirt and those wack ass sandals (y’all know the ones i’m talking about) like he did something 💀

all the boys will obviously defend you if someone comes at you on some racist/ignorant bs about your race/ethnicity, but todoroki will step for you

he will decimate a mf for even looking at you sideways

calls you queen bc he genuinely believes you are royalty (you can decided whether or not it’s cringey tho)

[danishmiilk]

requested by: @orange-nimon-cross

word count || 852

pairing || dong sicheng x reader

prompt || angst 1 "I'm leaving." "Of course you are, that's all you know how to do." from this prompt list

note || apologies for the lateness of this!! just got off back to back language exams and decided to write this at 4am, please excuse grammatical errors.

"i said, he was too close to you!"

you ran your hand through your hair for the fiftieth time tonight, having messed it up a long time ago. this night was supposed to be a happy one, a friday night out partying with your boyfriend and your close friends, but of course dong sicheng ruined it. again. "i wasn't even sitting that close to him! mark's my best friend!"

"well, he was going to make a move on you!"

"he'd never!" you shouted indignantly at your pacing boyfriend, "he knows we're an item! he's not that kind of person!"

sicheng narrowed his eyes, walking over to the sofa to cage you in between his arms, "i'm just trying to protect you! you don't understand! it's for your own good!"

you shook your head, jabbing a finger angrily into his chest, "it's YOU who doesn't understand! i don't need protection from my best friend of ten years! and we've talked about this before, stop being so overprotective or this relationship isn't going to work out!"

sicheng's eyes darkened significantly, face taking on a strange look. "fine! then maybe you should just go and hookup with mark!"

in your opinion, he was missing the point completely. it wasn't that you didn't love him, heck, you were head over heels for dong sicheng, not for mark lee, or else you'd be dating your best friend anyway. you understood that he wanted to protect you, but couldn't he give you some freedom too? this was the one problem in an otherwise perfect relationship, and if you weren't careful, it could tear you apart. normally, you'd try to talk things through like mature adults, but tonight you were both pissed off and had alcohol in your system, causing a simple disagreement to escalate into a full-on screaming match.

"FINE!" seeing red, you didn't give your words much thought at all, "MAYBE I WILL GO HOOK UP WITH MARK! HAPPY NOW?"

the face you'd fallen in love with from day one suddenly took on a scary expression, and for the first time in your eight months of dating, you realised that you might be scared of dong sicheng. "no. it's not about whether i'm happy or not."

"THEN WHAT IS IT ABOUT? WHAT IS IT ABOUT, SICHENG?" at this point, tears were running down your face uncontrollably, making you a mess of smudged mascara.

he shook his head, gritting his teeth, "you don't understand, y/n. you never have. you know what? i'm leaving."

sicheng shrugged on his coat with so much force you thought it'd rip. you'd lost control over everything, letting your feelings and emotions take over you completely. as your boyfriend walked out of the door, you blurted out, "of course you are. that's all you know how to do."

the man stopped immediately, turning around slowly. his facial expression was unreadable, and your fear surfaced again, for the first day in eight months... and the second time this evening. "what did you say?"

"you can't keep leaving to end our arguments, sicheng. it doesn't work that way. you don't listen to what i have to say, we don't get better after arguments, you won't stop being overprotective, and i don't even know if i can handle this relationship anymore! it's becoming toxic, sicheng! toxic!" your voice rose shrilly, cutting into the silence of the night uncomfortably. sicheng was taken aback for a second before his face clouded over again. he didn't even bother taking off his coat again as he stormed back into your living room to sit down, "and you're blaming everything on me now? you think you never did anything to ruin the relationship? i'll tell you what, y/n. you're selfish, and you don't understand me at all, and neither of us. NEITHER OF US! are cut out for this relationship. the fight tonight wasn't even supposed to happen. we're not supposed to be arguing like this, but now we are and nobody knows how to make things right again!"

sicheng leaned his head in his hands following his outburst, messing his hair up with his hands, "admit it, y/n. this relationship isn't even working out anymore. we're not meant to be together, okay? let's just break up."

you breathed heavily, chest heaving. this wasn't supposed to happen tonight either. fresh tears fell from your eyes as you whispered, "fine. and dong sicheng, you scare me."

your boyfriend- no, i mean your ex- heard you. he slammed the door on his way out of your apartment, and you knew that would be the last time he ever did that. because he wouldn't be back.

---

"and cut!" the director shouted, grinning at you from under the huge sunshade he'd set up. "you guys did such a good job filming that scene! it was like you'd actually broken up!"

you offered up an awkward smile, determinedly avoiding eye contact with your co-star who was thanking the director.

because what they didn't know was that the two of you had broken up, in almost the same way. only two days prior to filming.

©danishmiilk, 2020.

[nadiineross]

widow angst abt not loving sombra but also maybe loving sombra, going in circles and circles like a lil caged animal, fucked up tenses and incoherent half thoughts bc its almost 4am i wrote this in 30min

Widow doesn’t know, sometimes, what to do with choices. She’s hardly had to make any since she became who she is. But Sombra always demands that she make them: choose the restaurant they’re ordering from, pick which car to jack, do you want to go on a date?

With most of her emotions, few of them as they are, she doesn’t know what to do with. Doesn’t know if she wants them. Sombra wants her to know and, that, she knows she dislikes. But she likes Sombra, so she puts up with it.

Sombra is demanding in this way. If it were anyone else, Widow would have shot them by now, for being so presumptuous, for the arrogance, the selfishness, to ask this of Widow.

But Sombra’s Sombra and not many people like Widow, so she has to hold on to those who do. Or she doesn’t. Many people like Widow. She’s pretty, she knows. She flaunts it, after all, to get what she wants sometimes. Those people, Widow wouldn’t think twice about killing.

Sombra is different because she actually gives a damn. Sombra thinks she loves Widow which is something they have argued about a few times—always, Widow lets the matter rest once she has said her piece, because Sombra can be stubborn when she wants to be, can outwait Widow when she wants to.

Sombra’s special like that. She’s silly, idiotic, callous, but underneath it all, she’s still the most independently capable, motivated, and intelligent person Widow knows. She’s entirely self-made, entirely in control. And she hides it all behind being a cheeky shit because it’s the smart thing to do and Sombra is so smart.

Being with her makes Widow feel powerful. At night, when Sombra’s curled up against Widow’s side, Widow will brush her ridiculous purple hair out of her face, trace the curve of her forehead, and think about how the brain encased in Sombra’s hard head can, and in fact has, toppled small countries on its own. And this very brain thinks it loves Widow.

Widow isn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth—usually.

It’s a matter of practicality, really. Sure, she’s not who she used to be and physically can’t process emotions the way regular people can. But she’s not dumb; she knows how relationships work. She was married, for God’s sake.

She knows, logically, it’s about communication and honesty, and reciprocation. Otherwise, it’s just leeching. It’s being deadweight.

Widow can force communication and honesty out of herself. Those are things that are within her capabilities. The necessary skills and traits are useful to Talon, so she has them. Reciprocation is a different story. Reciprocation is difficult.

She likes Sombra, so she will make a conscious effort to keep her around. Sombra tells her that this is what love is.

Widow agrees and disagrees. Of course, she cares for Sombra’s wellbeing, but she cares about Akande and Gabriel, too. She would never claim she loves them, not in the way she might with Sombra.

That’s another thing: uncertainty. She is certain she doesn’t love other people. She isn’t so sure with Sombra.

Sombra can be very convincing, if she puts the effort in—coercion is her whole schtick, anyway—and this Widow also likes and hates. They’ve done a bunch of new and exciting things together, and most of it, Sombra had talked Widow into. Widow values those experiences.

But Sombra also talks Widow into things she’s not so enthusiastic about. Submitting a form to Talon declaring their relationship? Thinking about that day makes her want to murder someone. So awkward.

Sombra also talks Widow into thinking she might love Sombra back. And that’s good if she does, and astronomically bad if she doesn’t. Because honesty. Widow doesn’t lie to Sombra often. Sombra doesn’t care if Widow lies about work since she could find out if she really wanted to but, out of all Talon personnel, she is the farthest from a Talon loyalist and couldn’t give less of a damn about its goals.

Otherwise, though, Widow doesn’t hide much from Sombra. Maybe if Sombra makes Widow feel vaguely embarrassed about something, Widow will try to hide it just to save face, but Sombra sees through that like glass and Sombra almost never means to make Widow feel like that, never maliciously. So, it makes it okay. It does.

Widow can’t say the same.

Other people’s misfortune, especially brought about by her own hand, makes her happy. Makes her feel powerful. She can’t help it if an impulse to be cruel seizes her. It doesn’t come up with Sombra except when she feels cornered and that’s when she feels uncertain and out of her element.

Sombra is excellent at provoking those feelings. Again, Widow doesn’t experience feelings the way Sombra does, so it’s okay sometimes. Only sometimes.

The first time Sombra had said she loved Widow, Widow had called her stupid and left her in the cold. And Widow knew, immediately, that it hurt Sombra.

She knew it would be best for the health of their relationship if she apologized and explained herself, but there wasn’t a strong desire to do that, so she had left it until Sombra came and gave Widow a piece of her mind. After that, Widow had indeed explained, slowly, off kilter, mildly irritated.

It’s a mess. Widow doesn’t mind a mess but it’s not good for relationships and Widow wants to maintain this one. Wants to clean it up, knows which tools to use to do so, knows how to use those tools. Doesn’t, in the end, have access to some of them.

Sombra must know this. Sombra does know this.

Still, Sombra insists on telling Widow she loves her.

Widow can’t stand it.

Widow tries to stand it.

“That’s love, Spider.”

Widow scoffs at the thought.

When she was young, her parents got her a fish and Widow had tried to take care of it and failed spectacularly. The fish had died within two days. Trying isn’t sufficient.

She hardly succeeds, with Sombra.

She can do the easy things, the small things that don’t inspire feelings of triumph from Widow. If Sombra wants to be held, Widow will do it. If Sombra wants a sounding board, Widow will get comfortable. If Sombra wants to fuck with Gabriel, Widow won’t snitch.

She fails, however, if Sombra needs anything close to emotional literacy. Sombra isn’t perfect either, she knows. She is painfully aware. 

Sombra is presumptuous and arrogant. Sombra asks for too much. She doesn’t care about Talon, and Talon is the reason for Widow’s existence. She makes everything a joke, just under half of which fly over Widow’s head. Flaunts what she has and what is wholly unattainable for Widow. 

It feels like a test of Widow’s compliance. Endurance, really. Certainly not love.

“Love can be about endurance.”

It can. Widow knows all these things could count. Should count, considering. But she wants to do better, be better. And she also doesn’t because she can’t and it’s unfair that she should be unhappy with herself for something she cannot fundamentally change.

She’s a bit resentful. She’s a bit tired. She’s a bit unhappy and a bit apathetic about all those things. Never a lot of anything. So, relatively speaking, it’s significant that she feels this way.

But then, full circle, it’s about endurance. She will endure those feelings. For Sombra.

Sombra who endures, always. Whose entire life has been about endurance. Does it as easily as breathing. Sombra is strong and smart, and those aren’t things Widow inherently likes about Sombra.

Widow likes the way those qualities make her life better. Sombra solves problems and does things for her.

If she loves Sombra, then it would be because Sombra loved her first. Does it the best because no one else loves Widow and there’s no competition, really.

And is that fucked up? Is that wrong?

Should she care? Liking someone because they like you doesn’t exactly measure up to terrorizing entire peoples, which she does for almost no money or other benefits other than her own enjoyment and a few more hours with Sombra which, again, is also for her own enjoyment.

Widow looks down at Sombra and thinks in cycles.

Her eyes are closed and she’s snoring, head in Widow’s lap. Widow cards her fingers through Sombra’s hair and feels heady with power.

If Widow could be a better person, she wouldn’t want to be, she doesn’t think. Except when it comes to Sombra. Because if Widow could love Sombra back, she would.

[biaswreckingfics]

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAYYY!! gosh pls dont find me weird okay, and these are just my personal opinions and im not hating any groups!! but my unpopular opinion is: i think kpop has become very toxic after bts and bp got famous in America. And tbh if you ask me, i wouldnt want any other kpop groups to be famous in America... i only stan exo but i think i speak for all groups when i say they are safe as they are now... of course if exo ever get even more famous i will be happy and proud for their success. But look how fame and America has changed bts and bp... not tryna hate but look theyve changed, idk if anyone else noticed but after fame hits bts, i realised how theyve start to become very...white?? like they are so westernised and like example, they start focusing on America only, they even curse (not a lot but i’d still point out) casually like for example, jungkook singing a curse word in his cover song for jason derulo savage love i think (speaking of cursing, after nct127 got famous in usa mark started getting influenced by them too and he casually cursed like “oh fuck” and everyones like 😃😆) even i curse and im not saying cursing is BADD but yeah i am, and how they sing a whole song in english, not to even mention how toxic america is but in grammys they have sold tons of albums yet they didnt win anything but when they release an english song, they won.

Some half of them americans are very toxic, racist, and just theyre basically acid, like bruh, its evident that once bts got famous there are soooo much hate thrown towards bts too cuz theyre asians, or how some would say theyre gay or look like girls...if my favs (exo) ever get these kinds of treatments (not that they dint but veryy little cuz thank god they ain exposed to the western culture) i will B R E A K, i could never handle that so i would never want that to happen to them. Also noticed how, after bts got famous, most armys are equally as toxic, whether they are just stanning bts just cuz theyre famous there, or like how their fans dont even know anything abt bts and coming after so many groups and their fans. Most of them are fake and i think its cuz of the fame for bts lmao. One thing i’d like to say too tho, is how they are so overrated and their songs are played all the damn time, people would randomly talk abt them, like everywhere you go THEY ARE JUST THERE, like in my opinion if i am an army, i would just feel like they are so common and theres nothing special about them anymore and theres no excitement, like what even is the point anymore. idk if anyone gets me but thats just how i feel about my favs being “wOrLdWiDe fAmOuS”, i will love them and their music but its just something i think about tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ like let me listen to them on my own and vibe and love them, dont play it 24/7 just cuz they are famous and ure tryna get people’s attention, like imagine ure in the subway and u hear ur favs song cuz its EVERYWHERE and ure there like 😐😐 not that u dont love their music but its cuz horrible people dont deserves to listen to their songs, and like people arent going to appreciate them anyway so yeah i feel uncomfortable listening to my favs as others dont even bother, like imagine if that subway is filled with people who are in ur fandom, yall would just hv the best time in the world and VIBE, if not what even is the point. Idk if im explaining it properly, but its badically like, u feeling UNCOMFORTABLE or should i even say SELFISH cuz u do not want to be sharing ur favs with people who dont even deserve to KNOW about them. Basically like seeing how someone you HATE or bullied you back then talking and being all friendly fake with ur BESTEST FRIEND or even boyfriend/girlfriend, cuz u just want to protect them from EVIL (im so dramatic)

And well lastly, no Bts did not paved the way, or “bts is the best and only group” like no, so many amazing artists were breaking records way before bts was even a thing (no hate to bts) but they really need to get slap for having that mindset, they really make a bad image for bts...tbh kpop before was so peaceful (a little toxic but still, compared to now...BYE) and everything was just about idols and fans love, listening and supporting and loving their music and just so comforting... urgh anyway thats all i wanna say and here are some texts i saved relating to kpop groups going famous worldwide uwu

these are also examples, and honestly speaking here, i dont want to be specific as in “exo” cuz i think this happens for ALL the groups out there and the love and relationship between the idols and their fans (family) are just beautiful, but for bts and armys... tbh i feel bad because i just dont see or feel any love they hv for each other (sure we see bts saying i love you armys or armys supporting bts but with all the toxicity in their way, theres just no spark or chemistry or bond no more it’s basically like one direction and their fans and thats all they are, celebrity-fan, but for kpop its family), i can see other groups and their fans interacting or how idols would light up talking abt their fans, but for bts, theres just soooo much mess going on in their fandom its not special anymore, they lost the deep meaning of their group love and IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but YEAH DJSHSKSJ OH and to add somethign else, they got famous in America, look at all the collabs🤡🤡 blackpink with cardi b, bts with nicki etc... not that collabs arent fun... im just saying these american artists... they dont exactly have a good reputation (americans singing about sex (not the good kind), money, girls and drugs) 🥴🥴 dont influenced my faves and let them be exposed to the toxic culture YALL GET ME?? KPOP HAS THE LETTER K FOR A REASON😭😭😭 let them be their own shining star, not everything has to be involved or a part of aMeRiCa to be amazing.... PHEW IVE SAID IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE GETS MAD AT ME, I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE TO YOU, if youre an american and youre no where near being toxic, I LOVE YOU but im just saying, the western culture is toxic and im just saying what ive been observing and noticing🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ ps: i still love exo till the max and everything about them is perfect and theyre just amazing people (everything i said that bts and armys dont really have anymore, i think thankfully, EXO (sorry im biased) most fandoms still have so much of the L O V E there and i find that extraordinary) and he fandom is so comforting and amazing and idk dkdjjdjss thats why i dont want them getting famous worldwide...sorry exols ANYWAY THATS ALL FOR MY RANT ITS 4AM AND I AM THINKING OF DELETING THIS💀💀💀 anywya sorry for taking up so much space but i just wanna say I FREKAING LOVE NO EXIT, NO LIMITS, basically all ur exo fics cuz why not🥺🥺 i think ur writing skills are amazing as well as the plots and all especially forsaken, and THANK YOU for two bbhxoc fics😭😭😭 i cant!!! also if u reached here idk i-🥲 i hope u didnt get mad or offended 👀

Reply under the cut!!

Kpop has become extremely toxic with the growth of international fans and the rise of 3rd/4th gen. I wasn't around to experience the previous generations, but I know damn well they weren't a mess like these newer ones are.

Gaining fame in America does seem to change idols, and idk why. The group members change and the music changes also. While I do enjoy hearing idols swear (guilty pleasure) and I am an American so I get to enjoy their English songs, I can see how it makes all the other cultures/countries feel some type of way.

I will say this, though, the Grammys are shit and I dont get why people care so much about them. They've proven time and time again the awards don't go to the best artists. However, this doesn't mean that I think BTS deserved a Grammy imo.

Americans are a very toxic and hate filled bunch (again, I am one, so I get to see this shit every day). I 100% know that some of the hate directed towards Asians is because of racism (as seen by the insane uptick in crime against Asian Americans right now) and because some see kpop male idols as too feminine.

BTS is literally everywhere, which is one of the reasons I stopped listening to them tbh. They'd be in commercials, on talk shows, late night shows, in magazines, on the radio, just everywhere. It took the joy out of watching anything from them just because they were always in my face, so I can see what you mean.

I feel like the relationship between BTS and army has changed (from an outsiders perspective). Its no longer about loving and supporting your group and being happy for them. Now, its "so-so wants this? We MUST do everything in our power and spam every possible thing ever so they get what they want". Its almost frightening. They also no longer care about the quality of the music being put out. Doesn't matter what it is, they stream the ever loving shit out of it and make it break records when, honestly, it doesn't deserve to (again imo).

Lastly, I didnt get mad or offended haha. I understand a lot of these viewpoints, and thank you so much for liking my work!! I do wonder what would happen if I made a true BBH centric fic and not just spin offs or continuations of previous works where oc ends up with BBH 🤔🤔 I think that fic would have too much power haha.

[eninilaup8]

10 Questions Tag! 💗

Rules: Answer the ten questions, write your own, and then tag ten people.

thank youuu @jongin-be-my-jagi for tagging me, your questions were sooo interesting as well as your answers 

1.  What is your idea of a perfect (or, almost perfect) day?

hmmm, first it has to be sunny and warm, but not too warm and with a little breeze. i would be around my best friends, we would be talking and laughing and seeing pretty things, eating good food, drinking wine and just enjoying each other’s presence. simply :)

2.  Do you have a "type" - a type of person you generally find attractive? What qualities do you like best in people? (Can be physical traits, character traits, or both.)

i kinda do? physically, i’m generally attracted to dark-haired, dark-eyed guys, and i do particularly enjoy tan skin. but i already have been attracted to guys that were blonde with light eyes and lighter skin, so i guess he just has to attract me somehow, vibes are important :) However... i’m pretty picky in terms of personality; i like open-minded people (not judgmental, tolerant, supportive of differences, not racist, not homophobic/transphobic etc, not sexist (i’m a woman, wouldn’t make sense) anyways you get it :) i also like people who make me laugh, and who are kind, peaceful and mean well. i also tend to like passionate people, cause it is something we share :) (i cut it short cause it was going to be hella long) 

3.  Is there anything you would never do for any amount of money?

the first that came to my mind was killing an innocent, cause... obviously? (capitalists are shaking) i can’t think of anything else cause that’s just the only horrible thing i can think of right now? but there are probably more things for sure 

4.  What makes you feel most alive?

helping someone, being helpful. i feel like my existence is useless if it only concerns me and impacts no one else, it’s just a “selfish” and self-centered existence, but to me having an existence that matters means being involved in making the world a better place, and making other people’s lives better at the same time. also, i feel alive when i do something i have been waiting to do, a goal that i’m achieving like, going to a concert or visiting a country i really wanted to visit. 

5.  If there was going to be a movie made about your life, is there a movie director you would like to oversee the project? Who would that be? What genre and mood would your life movie have

hummmmmmmm that’s so hard to answer cause my life isn’t special lmao also, i don’t know that much movie directors so i can’t really tell :/ i guess if my life is not special, the film would be a slice of life kind of film, obviously a comedy too cause me and my bffs are the funniest people of this planet ngl, but yeah... just a film about an ordinary girl and her ordinary life (i wouldn’t recommend watching it, don’t pay for that, it’s a waste). but the scenes and mood and music would definitely be veeeeeeery aesthetic and very pleasant.

6.  What is something valuable you have learned in your life that you would like to pass on to others?

i think it would be the fact that you have to work hard for what you want, and when it gets hard, remember why you’re doing it and where this will lead you (the achievement of your goal), you can’t expect things to be given to you on a platter, sometimes they are and you’re lucky, but it won’t always be that way, and you have to be ready for that. also, surround youself with good people, who are here for you and who look out for you, this helps in every situation that can occur in one’s life. if they don’t make you happy, do not waste your time and energy on them and find better people, you deserve better. 

5.  Who is your ultimate bias? If you met him or her in real life, what kind of relationship do you think the two of you might have?

this question is tricky cause, how to sound not delusional or creepy? but you know what, fuck it i know i’m not. my ultimate bias is mister kim jongin, and if i met him in real life i’m almost certain we would at least be very good friends. from what i know about him as a fan, and what i’ve seen, we’re pretty similar (mbti twins🤪), we share the same passions and whenever he says something deep, about his thoughts and ways of being, i can usually relate. also i’m almost certain i would fall in love with him lmao have you seen the guy he is?? but i obviously don’t know if the feeling would be mutual :)

6. Is there a song that captures your mood recently? What is it?

i recently discovered artist Summer Walker, and i fell in love with her voice, style and entiiiire discography. i don’t know what my mood is these days, i don’t think i have one tbh (i sleep at 4am and wake up at 2pm i basically am a soulless body walking around the house), but one thing i know is that she captures my favourite kind of music. 

7. What are three books that are important to you?

ok so most of the books i have read were given to me by my teachers, they asked me to read them, and i liked some of them but they aren’t important to me, except for one; The Awakening by Kate Chopin (very beautiful, feminist, and revolting), but that’s honestly the only one that has a deep meaning to me so far :/

If you could meet anyone in the whole world, who would it be, and what would you do with them?

meet donald trump, put him in a cage, and leave him there. lmao no more seriously (i’m not kidding tho), the only person i would love to meet right now is jongin, and i would just talk with him until we have nothing else to talk about (if that can even happen). he’s the first person i’m thinking about atm, but i’m sure if i think hard enough there should be other people i would love to meet, for other reasons. 

My 10 questions;

1. What is happiness to you?

2. What kind of people (or if there is someone particular, who) inspire you?

3. How would you describe your fashion sense?

4. How do you know you like someone? (platonic/romantic)

5. If you HAD to move to another country, where would you go and why?

6. What is something you always remind yourself?

7. What form of art do you prefer? (dance, paintings, sculptures etc...)

8. If you could make a song, what kind of song would it be? (and also what genre)

9. What’s one goal you have set for yourself?

10. If you could have any career for a week, which one would you choose?

i’m tagging @salt-andmud, @amandoaexo and @mayrubyy, enjoyyyy💓

[pcygoldenchild]

Love Me Right: After Care

⛓summary: You’re in your senior year of high school. But you oh so unfortunately had to move away. Which meant you would be spending your last year of high school at a new school. Luckily you’ve done some research on this school and from what you’ve heard, you’d be in for an interesting year.

⛓genres: mentions of sexual themes

↳ After your night with the boys, you wonder how they felt. But they all seemed to care about how you felt and wouldn’t answer anything you wanted to know.

March 11th

You didn’t plan on staying over. You didn’t expect the need to stay over. But it was very very needed. Your exciting night ended around 11:30pm. Luckily, you were free from any obligations this Saturday because you didn’t see yourself doing any of it anyway. After the activities went down, so did they. Everyone, including you, was exhausted. Sehun cleaned you up as best he could trying not to make you writhe everytime he touched your sensitive body. They asked if you wanted to sleep alone or with one of them. And you were smart enough to know that choosing one would start a war so you slept alone. Not that you did much sleeping.

You were starting to feel your muscles aching. Of course being fucked in one position basically tied down would result in some soreness. But you didn’t think to this extent. Your legs shook everytime you moved like they were waiting to give out, even when you were laying down. Your arms had no strength from the constant force of you trying to pull from Chanyeol’s grip on you. Your abs hurt from the constant contracting. And your throat? Sehun did a number. You tried to talk and it sounded barely like your voice. Not to mention your ass and cunt. Let’s just not mention it.

You tossed and turned groaning everytime. The pain was just one reason you couldn’t sleep. The other was the thought that you actually just had a foursome with your best friends. You wondered if they were thinking the same things. You looked at each possible outcome. When you had sex with Chanyeol, he didn’t change much. The only thing that really mattered was not letting the others find out. But even then, they knew. Now you had nothing to hide. They were all there using your body.

And another thought came to your mind at 3am. They were amazing. They used you in a way that made you feel like you belonged to them. They didn’t care that all three of them were having their way with you. They dug deep into your holes as if you were made just for them and no one else.

Sehun was always gentle to you when he would touch you. He was always your sweet Mr. Oh. But last night, he used your mouth like he’s been dreaming of doing so. It’s like he’s masturbated for so long to the thought of you and put all those lonely nights into this one night, into your throat.

Chanyeol was no gentle man. Even in the literal sense, he’d break your limb just laughing next to you. Multiply that by 10 when he was underneath you fucking your asshole. His hand prints were on your wrists until 2am. You could hear his voice still whispering sweet nothings about how good you felt. How you were his little toy. How you loved the feeling of him. How you could never say fucking him was a mistake. It drove you insane because he was right about all of it. You took him so well and he made your small body even smaller as you laid on him while he pushed inside you.

Baekhyun was gentle, so you thought. But you knew he wasn’t anymore. He was still your funny ball of jokes and noises but now he had a different side. You learned that the idea of a foursome was his. That he asked them about it to see what they’d say. And it made your legs clench. The thought of them discussing using you like that. It would probably make anyone else disgusted or degraded. But it made you want them. You wondered what Baekhyun said to himself whenever he looked at you. Because now you knew, they were mostly about what he’d do to you. You had a pretty vanilla night with him despite being fucked in all your holes. You knew he had more than that to offer, he said it himself. He would do things 10 times filthier to you if he had you alone. When he had you alone. Because you would let him.

The thoughts plagued the mind until 4am when sleep finally took over. Sleep was short and sweet. Your dreams? Of taking control of them the way they did you. You’d like to see that be a reality.

You woke up around 9am when you felt the bed dip on either side of you. And then a body comes to lay between your legs, head on your bare chest. You opened your eyes to your three heart-eyed boys staring at their princess.

“Morning baby.” Chanyeol said on your left.

“Morning princess.” Baekhyun said on your right.

“Morning Mrs. Oh.” Sehun said on your chest.

It was like a movie. You couldn’t help but smile, your face turning bright red as your hands went to cover it. Here you were being overly praised by three insanely gorgeous men. All in nothing but underwear not doing much to hide their morning wood. How did you even get this lucky this early in life?

“She’s blushing.” Chanyeol said prying your hands from your face. Your eyes were shut tight as your smile widened. You were too cheery to even hide your emotions. They all laughed.

“What’s got you all happy? It wouldn’t be us, would it?” Baekhyun asked. You could hear the amusement in his perfect morning voice. You opened your eyes finally and looked at them all. All with bed hair and puffy eyes but still perfect faces. You nodded and bit your smiling lip. They smiled back at you.

“And why is that?” Sehun said also amused as he pushed himself up a bit more to be closer to your face. You grabbed his puffy cheeks and leaned forward to kiss him quick. He hummed; the sound was one of your favorites. Chanyeol and Baekhyun both cleared their throats. Of course you’d have to give them some love too. You turned to each of them and did the same sweet kiss.

“Imagine if we got to wake up everyday like this.” Baekhyun said pushing your messy hair out of your face. Imagine that.

“A kiss from her everyday? I’d never get used to it.” Chanyeol said kissing your neck.

“So, why are you all happy because of us?” Sehun repeated. You tried to talk but your voice was hoarse. The sleep only making it worst instead of better.

“Sehun how far did you go? She’s barely got a voice?” Baekhyun said plucking the youngers head.

“You saw how far I went. She took all of me in. No surprise she doesn’t have a voice.” he said smirking at you. You don’t know why but that made you blush even more. You pleased him well.

“Are you sore? God you’re probably so sore and thirsty. We should get you comfortable.” Chanyeol said pushing Sehun off your body that you didn’t even realize was indeed very sore. They all got up and started getting things. Baekhyun grabbed a shirt that you were unsure of between the three who’s it was. He helped you put it on before Chanyeol picked you up and carried you bridal style to the kitchen. Sehun began getting you a glass of water while Baekhyun pulled some food out for you. All of them moving around like they were your maids. Imagine that. 3 tall gorgeous men, catering to you.

“Guys.” you said as hoarse and small as possible, that’s all you could manage to do. But they heard you, all turning to you in an instant.

“What’s wrong?” Sehun asked, very concerned you thought it was quiet cute. You shook your head and gave them a reassuring smile. They came to you sitting at the kitchen island where Sehun placed your water and Baekhyun placed your fruit.

“You should save your voice. You sound terrible.” Chanyeol said. You just glared at him before laughing at the way his ears poked out under his crazy hair.

“I have a question.” you whispered looking down at your fruit. They got silent but before you could say what you wanted to ask, Baekhyun did it for you.

“You want to know what we’re thinking.” he said coming to sit next to you.

“You want to know if you were good. Or if we feel any different towards you. Or maybe what we feel in general.” Sehun said.

“So let’s tell her.” Chanyeol said.

“I’ll start by saying that we feel no less for you if that’s what you’re worried about. In fact we feel closer to you. Not because we got to....do that. But because you trusted us enough to let us have you in that type of way. It was something you really have to be 100% about.” Baekhyun said as he came to sit across from you. And you couldn’t agree more. It was something that scared you at first. Trusting them to see you so vulnerable and begging for them at the same time.

“And the concern about if you were good? Moe, that’s not a question. I can speak for all of us when I say we have never felt how we did last night. Yes it was our first time being altogether with a woman, which was an experience to say the least. But it’s not only about the sex. You are important to us. We wanted to please you in every way possible. That’s just how our hearts are set on you. And I don’t think I have even been so happy to see someone cum in my life.” Sehun said. It made you laugh. The conversation itself was bizarre. The meaning was what made it serious.

“And we love you. We always have. You came into our lives rather unexpectedly and we felt drawn to you. All of us do, even the rest of the team. But you somehow ended up with us. And I wouldn’t have it any other way, except maybe without these two. We may not be in a traditional relationship. But this is one I won’t ever forget. I won’t ever forget you. I won’t forget your smile or the way you stare. And now I won’t ever forget the sound of you being fucked by all of us.” Chanyeol smiled. It wasn’t a bad thing being in a relationship with all of them. To the outside view, you were just their best friend. They were close and touchy at school but that’s just who they were. Only you four knew what really went down behind closed doors. Only you four knew how you felt about each other. You thought it was selfish. To have all of them to yourself. But they didn’t seem to see it that way. How is it selfish when they all want you too?

“What do you see us doing in the future?” you asked suddenly. The question was a lot more lighthearted in your head but it could mean many things without context.

“We’ve got lots of things planned. In fact once you’re all healed and relaxed we have another proposal for you.” Baekhyun said not giving you a chance to explain what you meant. Of course he took it as ‘how else are they going to fuck you in the future’. But you meant in the farther future. Like when you graduated and went to college.

“I meant college Baekhyun. You’re already so excited to fuck me again. I need at least 3 days.” you laughed.

“Ahh I knew that. Just giving you a warning thats all.” he said sheepishly.

“Well we are all going to the same college. Nothing will change from my point of view.” Sehun said.

You were all going to the same college. It was a prestigious campus and one that you paid a lot for tuition in. But it was were all your parents went and what’s a legacy if you didn’t go.

“Besides, I think I’m going to buy a condo and have you stay there with me.” Chanyeol said. And then the bickering started.

“What makes you think she’s staying with you?” Sehun said.

“Because she’s not staying in your dorm Sehun.” Yeol replied back coming to stand behind you with his hands on your sides.

“You’re both wrong. She’s staying with me at my parents penthouse. They’re letting me stay there since they don’t use it. And she’ll be with me.” Baekhyun said taking fruit from your bowl.

“Yea because she wants to listen to you make noises in your sleep.” Sehun laughed. You actually did like his sleep noises.

“Well she hates that dog of yours. She’s rather hear me sleep than be attacked by Vivi.” Baekhyun snickered back.

“Baekhyun just plans on using his dark book to seduce her. I for one don’t need to do that. We’ve been over this. She’s got a thing for me shirtless.” Chanyeol said and you just couldn’t stop laughing at their replies.

They went on and on about why you’d be happier staying with who and where. And it was amusing. They didn’t once stop and think, maybe she’s got her own plans. You’d have to deal with these three for the next four years, maybe even more.

[rhuneisaunx]

time(wrine)

it was a calm night when i typed few words,

and only the whispers of roaches can be heard;

the cold air silently entered

through the tiny passages of the windows.

i looked up unto the ticking clock  

sipping my hot-turned-cold espresso,

and stared at its moving hand

circling obnoxiously, 

the long, moving hand slowly pointed at one..

one.

one moment, you’ll eventually be startled,

one loud voice, and time will just be stopped,

for that one thing, that is to blurt out how i really feel about you

perhaps, you’ll even ask inside your head if it is true.

the hand continued to move down,

and it pointed at two…

two.

two different people but bounded together by similar interests,

two separate bodies yet inseparable souls,

two linakble minds, always understanding each other,

two dreamers, the same as to how their future would look afar,

but the thing is that,

do we even share the same feelings as well?

i could hear the displeasing slurp,

yet the other way around as i have those finest gulps,

just as the moving hand slowly made its stopover at three..

three.

two different things, each made up of three elements,

which of these should i give to you?

perhaps this so called “one night stand”,

or maybe the “grow old with you” instead?

how about just a long night

filled with petty talks and wasting energies

rather than countless nights

filled with warm hugs and out of the ordinary thoughts?

or maybe happiness-in-sparks

from happiness-in-fullness?  

i like you | i love you

three words, yet different towards one another,

which one will be the victor?

my dose of caffeine had just went half from the cup,

and eventually, the hand moved down to the fourth one…

four.

four hands

four eyes

entwined

and connected

the hands which hold warmness

and that makes such in wrapped in ecstasy

the eyes that hold endearment

makes the hearts filled in contentment

entwined

and connected

wait, is it just one of my 4am imaginations though?

the moving hand of the clock, ticking noisily,

reached fifth…

five.

five months of waiting,

the most-awaiting reply that’s almost wilting,

our distance is getting almost five centimeters

as you opened wide your mouth, the moment shatters…

when i woke from the loud sound from the quarters…

realized it is just a hecking dream in the evening.

i continued to write, looking the screen,

while the moving hand goes round and round, until it reach the sixth…

six.

six miles far away from you,

six days we can’t even meet,

but anyway, i still get to touch in you,

letters, chats, and calls made it possible as neat.

distance isn’t that a hindrance,

for as long as the connection between us wouldn’t lose in trance;

six miles that i want to turn it into six centimeters… 

maybe we’ll be like takaki and akari on the movie 5 centimeters per second ?

or we might even go beyond them and be like taki and mitsuha in kimi no na wa?

nevermind, it was just a sort of my fantasies though…

i pointed the running hand, and followed it

until such time it went into the seventh number.

seven.

“darling i will be lovin’ you ‘till we’re seventy.”

i think this is too much to ask of you,

since until now you didn’t even give attention to what i feel

and my decision to love you unconditionally,

but hey,

if you accept me within seven seconds, then i will do it accordingly.

i had this strange thought,

seven years, being cheesy childhood sweethearts;

seventy years, livin’ in that age,

full of freckles,

and wrinkles

it makes the folks old enough in sheer image,  

but the love entwined is still young and alive.

but we aren’t childhood friends, though.

not even like others who are fated to be sweethearts.

even so, i think this kind of fate is rare one, eh?

such swirls of fantasies and sweets.

another moment has it passed,

finally it appeared at the eighth hour,

eight.

eight seconds, you captured those starry, sparkling eyes

with just your mischievous smile;

eight minutes, you asked for a talk

into the café that smelled some kind of an old stalk;

eight hours, you slept with a light heart

as your request for a date has been granted in an instant;

eight days, you sent some tulips for eight straight days

how romantic are you, for you have made those days joyous;

eight weeks, your handwritten letters and poems of love,

flaunted in those spilled inks of how much it meant to you in your life

eight months, you continued to be mesmerized

the inevitable radiance that had caused;

eight years, oh, how lovely are thee!

for you’ve finally made yourself a man, on bended knee;

well, of course, to someone else…

and on that time, it was real…

it’s not already like those thoughts i’ve imagined…

i was a witness to almost…everything.

ah, finally, i think this will be the last…

accepting what has been done, i let out a deep sigh,

letting out all those shameless thoughts in the past,

and took a sip on my blended decaf to get me on high,

along with these countless, restless nights,

but wait, it’s gone.

might as well to take another cup for not to get my insides bore.

ah, just when i came back,

it already landed on ninth, heck.

nine.

nine missed calls from you on a one, fine night,

like what the heck do you want from whom you’ve once called “my light”?

now that my aching heart has already been enclosed itself

in a cocoon of tranquility,

not wanting those selfish fantasies

to get itself from wounding again countless times;

because it already accepted,

how my fate will become, instead.

“why is it that this thing called ‘love’ would be painful as hell?”

the clock’s hand had made its startling sound,

click. it had gone to tenth figure this time around.

ten. 

ten o’clock on that one, fine evening,

when you came to my room, saltwater is dripping,

you held my warm hand, seemed trembling,

and fell on your knees, so close to dying.

“what’s wrong? why are you crying?” you asked in a worried tone.

ten, fragile fingers had moved on its own,

to know if it’s the real you

no mistake, it’s the same warmth i’ve known,

the perfect one that was supposed to help me grow.

should i continue writing such things?

now that the eleventh number has made its siege…

eleven.

eleven letters just came out from your voice,

did my one-sided love had just gone to cease?

my senses couldn’t even grasp of what’s real and not,

because perhaps, this was just another dream i haven’t yet accepted somehow.

“silly, we’ve been together for eleven years now.”

once more, the hand landed on its final departure,

the twelfth, the beginning of an end, the welcome after closure.

twelve.

to think that the twelfth hour

would be a sort of rebirth,

to think that those imaginations and dreams i had for years,

had just ceased, and fate got overthrown.

twelve o’clock in the midnight

another time in sight,

just as i was writing, almost to the end,

our story had eventually just started.

tbw. 

[blakexmd]

Character: ― Nathaniel ‘Nate’ Blake Faceclaim: ― Casey Deidrick Age/Pronouns: ― 32 | he/him Occupation:  ― backstreet doctor, car thief/mechanic (he uh... steals cars for you and customizes them? but also likes just tinkering tbh)  Hometown/District: ― born in Chicago / lives in Red Line District, Houston 

HEADCANONS

Drives an old-timer, and not just any old-timer but a raven black ‘69 Boss 428 Mustang. That thing was expensive as hell and really hard to find, but Nate wanted it in a good condition and takes care of that thing like his life depends on it. Sure he’ll push it to its limits, but otherwise he takes better care of that stupid car than himself. That car is his guilty pleasure, most of the time though he’s on his motorcycle - he’ll say it’s more practical, but really it’s all about the adrenaline and constantly putting himself in near death situations. 

He loves street racing, the more illegal the better. Whatever project he’s currently working on for himself is probably being prepared and perfect for the next race. It’s probably going to send him to an early grave (if the myriad of other issues doesn’t do it sooner), but he can’t shake the addiction he has for the feeling of the steering wheel and the gearshift under his fingers. 

Has a thing for collecting stray animals. It started when he was a kid, his mother had allowed it and taught him how to take care of them if they were wounded, and he just never grew out of it. There’s two dogs and a raven that have taken up permanent residency in his house, but there are other animals that sort of come and go as they please and come when they need food, shelter or help. 

Has a tattoo that covers his back, an intricate drawing of thorns and roses and a raven mid-flight. It’s sort of a project that spanned almost a decade and he would get it done little by little, working on the drawing before taking it to the tattoo parlor. There are many, many details within it, each with its own meaning that only makes sense to Nate, an homage to people in his life and his past. Also there’s a snake tattooed on his chest that he got back in school, as well as a myriad of small tattoos scattered across his skin - his mother’s handwriting, dates of death for his fallen comrades etc. 

His most noticeable scar is the burn mark on his stomach, vaguely shaped like whatever piece of metal he’d been burnt with during an interrogation, but he doesn’t mind it all that much. What he does mind are the million silvery scars from the IED that killed Liam - he hates thinking about those. 

His knuckles are always beat up, to some degree. He loves fighting in various fight-clubs throughout the city, just for the sake of another hit of adrenaline, and because it makes him feel somewhat alive. So it’s not really a surprise to see him beaten and bruised, it’s more of a surprise when he’s in one piece... When he’s not doing that, he’s probably taking his frustrations out on an old, worn-out punching bag he’s had since forever, or jogging around the city at strange hours of the night. 

He’s got a myriad of vices - alcohol, fighting, cigarettes, an occasional hit of drugs. It’s his attempt to fill some hole in himself that’s been left gaping open ever since his father died. It’s a temporary fix, but he’s the type of person to live his life day in and day out anyway. 

He’s got an old silver zippo with engravings from the army such as “As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil for I am the evilest son of a bitch." and dates and initials of his fallen comrades. He loves that beat up piece of trash though, and you’ll never see him without it. 

Prefers knives to guns, but he knows it’s stupid to bring a knife to a gunfight so he’s learned how to handle those too. Though he’s not actively involved with any side, he’s always got weapons on him - just in case. It comes with the territory of being involved with the murkier side of the population. 

He loves music - it’s his outlet. You can sometimes see him jotting down notes on a napkin when he’s sitting in a diner at 4AM - it calms him to write these things down, helps get the music out of his head. When he can’t sleep, he’ll play his Stratocaster until he’s able to pass out, even if just for a few hours. 

He’s all dark leather and worn military boots and silver rings and a smell of cigarettes and gasoline and trouble. That’s pretty much his MO. I feel like when someone sees him, you could show them his diploma and they wouldn’t believe you this guy’s a doc that’s worked as a corpsman for the army for years. 

Probably the weirdest quirk of his, is his penchant for faith. His mother was religious, and she sort of instilled that in him at a young age. He must have lost his faith a thousand times over the years, but he always ends up coming back. No doubt in his mind God doesn’t want anything to do with his messed-up ass, but he likes this concept that there’s something out there, even if it’s not for him. Then at least for the good people in his live that he loves. It sort of brings him peace, and if he can’t be found at his usual joints around town - he’s no doubt sitting in a dark, empty church, head bowed down, seeking solace. He’s never going to admit it though, unless you catch him in the act. 

His father is the only man he truly feared in his life, otherwise he’s just pretty much indifferent and is generally lacking in the self-preservation department... 

Every Wednesday and Saturday, like clockwork - he goes to visit his mother. He brings her flowers, takes her out in the gardens for a walk, sits besides her and reads her a chapter or two of whatever book they’re going through that month. She’s pretty much an empty shell of a woman she used to be, but holding her hand is the only comfort he feels these days. It’s still as warm and soft as he remembers it, and though it breaks his heart to see her like this, he’ll probably never give up hope that she’ll come back one day. And even if she doesn’t she’s still his mom. 

Also plants, his house is filled with those? Idk, he’s so bad at taking care of himself and is probably in a complete organ failure, but the plats and the animals - they’re thriving like he’s been studying vet medicine and botany all his life.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

The Brother - He’s one of the Reapers, and someone Nate cares about deeply, even if he’s rarely showing it. It’s a complicated relationship between these two, Nate envies him for leaving when he did, but he can never quite get rid of the feelings he has for his brother. It’s a sensation of bone-deep loyalty he can’t shake. I think it would be super interesting to explore this connection, and I’m intentionally leaving it vague so it can be discussed!

The Friend’s Wife - She’s the wife of his brother-in-arms and army best friend that died during an explosion. I think their relationship was shaky at first, considering Nate’s feelings for her husband - but Nate can see why Liam loved her so much. Nate once promised Liam that if anything ever happened to him, Nate would take care of her and the kid, and Nate’s never been one to break promises. That’s why he came back to Houston after he was honorably discharged, and why he took up odd jobs - to pay for the debts and to make sure those two had everything they needed. He’ll probably care for them until the day he dies, whether or not she likes it. He adores the kid though, revels at her innocence and the way she’s delighted at everything, she also represents the only memory he has of Liam.

The Ex-comrade - Someone Nate also considered a good friend, he’d trusted them enough to admit his darkest thoughts after Liam died. But though they promised to respect his decision not to be saved at the risk of others, they risked their life for him when it came down to that. Oddly enough, Nate resents them for it. He feels like it was a good way to go, and he should’ve been left behind when they had the chance. It’s a sick and twisted logic, but it’s hard reasoning with him. I would love to work on this dynamic, because this person has seen him at his worst, and they obviously care about him so I think it’s a good spot for growth for both of them.

The one he hates - This will sound ridiculous, but it’s someone he’s been involved with at some point in his life (leaving this flexible) They butted heads a lot, hated each other even, but I feel like they also got addicted to each other because at least it made Nate feel something, even if it was rage. They are far too similar for their own good, and they feed off each other’s troubles. It’s a bit selfish on both sides, and definitely unhealthy, but I’m super interested in exploring that because lbr Nate can’t make a good decision for the life of him. This could be either old or fresh I’m up for anything, and we can develop/discuss it further!! 

The Friends - Someone please put up with him? He can be funny, sometimes. In a dark, tragic sort of way. Like someone has to be there to explain to him breakfast isn’t cereals in a bowl of vodka. I mean he’ll probably sarcasm his way out of it, but at least someone tried…

The Exes - And by exes I mean hookups, or real exes who got sick of him being a mess, or they were too much of a mess together, or someone ill-informed tried to save this jackass from himself. Anything works honestly, it can be angsty or a tragicomedy, I’m there for it all, I want to hurt him real bad.

Also everything else, if you’ve got an idea or want to discuss any of the above, feel free to shoot me a message! I’m super duper excited about plotting with him and I’m always here to explain if anything up there was unclear, don’t be afraid to reach out!

THE STORY

He was born in Chicago, the son of a nurse and a father who played an integral part in the city’s criminal scene. From a young age he was thrust into the life his father led, nudged further into it by an older brother he’d always looked up to.

He wasn’t all his father though, even if he’d inherited his temper - as a kid he used to adore his mother, she represented this beacon of light and kindness for him that’s still there today. 

Since very young age he developed this duality when it comes to his identity - he would try to satisfy the wishes of both this mother and father, which would result in the man he is today. On one side, he wanted to follow his mother’s footsteps into med school and do some good in the world, and on the other side he was drawn to the seedy underbelly of the city that his father roamed. It was like an addiction he couldn’t quite shake no matter how hard he tried. 

His father would be beaten to death in front of Nate when he was just 15, and though he was used to seeing blood and death by now - this shook him to his core. Though he was messed up, Nate loved his father, and seeing him die in his arms broke something in the boy. 

It wasn’t made easier by his brother taking off to go to Houston, leaving Nate scrambling back in Chicago, trying to take care of his mother who was now withering away like a plucked flower, and trying to figure out how to survive. 

It was a pretty miserable existence - work low-paying jobs for the gang, go to school, take care of mom, rinse and repeat. It’s no wonder this was part of Nate’s life during which he developed his bad habits and a bitter attitude. It’s the only thing that made sense. 

He had a knack for survival though - earned better gigs eventually, got into med school, got better at whatever it was that the gang required of him (car theft, hits...), but he felt like he owed it to his mother to for once put what she had dreamed of for him in the first place, instead of what his father had wanted. 

He tried to clean up his act then - figured military might do it and after he had enough money to put his mom in a really good place - he enlisted. Worst decision of his life, or so he thinks anyway. 

Sure, it cleaned up his life, established order within it, but he’d never be the same after it. The things they had to live through, were much, even for him.

He made friends there though, fell in love - though it was unreciprocated. It was naive though, to think that he was done with heartbreak, in the midst of war of all places. An IED struck as both Liam and Nate were shuffling, trying to figure out how to stop whatever was happening without harming a child, and before Nate could think - Liam was already shielding him with his body. Maybe it wasn’t exactly the type of love Nate had hoped for, but Liam had loved him dearly nonetheless. 

They’d have to drag him away from Liam’s body after he’d been doing CPR for good 40 minutes, and it was a point at which he spun out of control once again. He would purposefully put himself in harm’s way, and had made it a point to make it clear to everyone that in case of trouble, he did not want to be saved. Not that anyone would listen to him. 

He’d come out of combat very much alive. Though pretty beat up after he ran into harm’s way in an attempt to save someone, and had been dragged from the bring of death by a comrade. At the end of the day he was left with wounds, empty medals and an honorable discharge that sent him to Houston to lick his wounds. 

Why Houston? His brother was there, and Liam’s wife too. Home wasn’t a city - it was people, he knew that much about life. It was far from ideal, but if Nate had anything left, then it was his honour, and he had a promise to keep. 

Some weeks before Liam’s death, as if somehow he knew - Liam had asked him to go to Houston if anything ever happened to him, make sure his wife and his kid were taken care of. And it wasn’t like Nate had anything of his own left, just this promise he’d made and whatever was left of his broken family. 

He’d work as a contract killer for a while - bad things were what he was good at, after all. And it paid well, well enough to help Liam’s wife pay off her debts and take care of the kid, and whatever was left Nate put to side - for what, he had no idea. Outside of that, his life pretty much spun out of control - he couldn’t stop dreaming about Liam’s limp body in his arms, or the things they had to do to survive over there. He went numb, more numb than before - and he was still desperately trying to feel something. Rage, pleasure, pain, anything but this nothingness. So it was no wonder he slipped so easily back into his old habits. 

Word got around though - of a doc that had a way of taking a bullet out of you so you didn’t die, and instantly forget you were his patient to begin with. And that money he left on the side? There was enough of it to get proper tools and drugs, make his work easier, but also enough to buy place from which he could do that one thing that still brought peace to his mind - cars. Tuning, fixing, creating - you name it, and he could do it. 

So for the last two years he’s been working as a backstreet doctor - though his practice is rather professionally equipped and sterile (don’t worry, he’s a nerd about that stuff), and focusing on cars as his ‘day’ (?) job. Whatever it is you wish, he can acquire it, and then make it better. It doesn’t matter if it’s a 1967 Impala or something... wilder, and newer. He’s got it covered. 

[swanimagines]

Someone to Care For

Request:  Hi love! I was wondering if you'd like to write a dbh Markus x reader imagine? Reader has a chronic illness that causes them to faint at random and they have a headache at all times, that spikes in "attacks" (a bit like very severe migraines). Markus is running an errand for Carl when reader suddenly faints right next to him, and he barely manages to keep their head from hitting the ground. They're very blasé about the whole thing but Markus insists on walking them home. They have a nice chat on the way about art and life as an android, and reader is just very grateful that he decided to help even though he had other things to do. Anyway, do you mind if I request a few things at the same time? Not all for dbh, of course. Also, take your time! I don’t mind waiting a while, above all I want you to enjoy writing!!

Fandom: Detroit: Become Human, Markus x reader

A/N: Woohoo, I was able to write!! But just because I woke up at 4am and saw an opportunity in that XD So I wrote this, proofread it a moment ago and well, here you go! As usual, the beginning of this is crap, but starting points are always the most difficult parts for me and partly for that reason I can’t concentrate if everyone is keeping a monkey orchestra around me :D

Warnings: fainting

Word count: 1,167

---

The shopping center was quiet today, probably because the end of summer-discounts had ended just a few days ago. It was a perfect time for you to go snatch that jacket you had been longing for since last September, without pressure with someone else snatching it before you.

But now, you had a massive headache again, it had struck down like a lightning and your head felt like it’s going to explode in any minute. And on those moments, you actually hoped it could just blow up, at least then you couldn’t feel those headaches from hell again. 

You had a chronic illness that caused you headaches and fainting, and there was nothing you could do with it. A headache meant that fainting was coming, and you should just get to the safe place to lay on before that.

“Y/N, you can’t faint, not here”, you whispered to yourself over and over again, as you were leaning against one of the pillars, and you felt like you wanted to throw up.

The corners of your eyes were darkening, and the voices around you began to fade. Your gaze sought a safe place to lay on. At least then you could-

—

“Are you okay?” you heard an echoing male voice ask. You realized that someone held their hand between your head and the floor and shifted a bit. You slowly opened your eyes, and saw a tan-skinned android above you. He had knelt beside you and your bag was by his side. You looked at the android in confusion for a moment and his LED spun with blue, but it had yellow states, indicating that he was thinking.

Cyberlife had assured that androids can’t think of anything besides calculates and orders, but you begged to differ. After seeing some androids, you truly believed some were… like humans. But in a cleaner, healthier way. They were non-greedy and enjoyed the little things in life.

Humans had become greedy and selfish during the last ten years. Some people purely thought they were above everyone else and those people were mean towards the androids too.

If someone kept androids as machines, then think this, would you throw your phone on the wall for fun? No. So why would you beat your android for fun? No wonder androids were deviating, escaping from their owners or straight up killing them. They had no other escape from the situation.

You realized you were staring at the android who was holding you, blushed and quickly turned your face away from the android.

“Sorry”, you muttered and started to stand up. He helped you with it and put his hand on your shoulder.

“Are you okay?” he asked again and you glanced at him.

“Yeah… thank you for helping me.” you nodded in reassurance and smiled a little for him. He smiled back politely and then tilted his head.

“It would be best if I walked you home. Just in case.” he said and you turned your gaze at him again, baffled about his proposition. You couldn’t accept his help, he had an owner who was waiting for him, you didn’t know who was his owner and you didn’t want to be guilty if his owner was an asshole and gives this android a punishment for being late. So you shook your head violently.

“Oh, no no no, you don’t have to, I’m fine now. Thank you for the offer though. Your owner wouldn’t probably like it.” you gave a little, nervous laugh for him, but he just shook his head.

“Rather my owner wouldn’t like it if I didn’t help someone in need. I insist on helping you to get home. You could faint again and there would be nobody to help you.” he answered and you looked at him in his eyes. Then you sighed.

“...fine, if you insist. But I’m perfectly fine though and you really wouldn’t have to. Are you sure it’s okay with your owner?” you asked and seeing him nod, you smiled a little bit, before taking your bag from the floor. “I live at the downtown, about a mile away from here.” you said, before starting to walk with him.

You both were quiet for a while, but you couldn’t take the awkward silence too long.

“So… is your owner nice?” you blurted out and gave yourself an inner facepalm. What a stupid question. The android didn’t seem to mind though, as he smiled a bit and turned his gaze on you.

“Mr. Manfred is a brilliant man. He treats me like I was his son.” he said in a warm voice and you heard it from his voice, that he really cared about his owner- wait.

“Mr. Manfred? As in, Carl Manfred? You’re his android?” your eyes widened on the information and now the android gave a little laugh on you.

“Yes, Elijah Kamski gifted me to Carl a few years ago. I was the first of my kind - and I probably am the only one. Newer models quickly conquered my model’s place. RK series was planned to be nursing models for people who can’t care for themselves anymore, but- oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to talk only about myself.” he suddenly said and turned his gaze on you, but you just shook your head.

“Oh, I don’t mind! I’m interested to hear about androids, in fact. Is- is it true that androids can develop their own thoughts and feelings? Cyberlife claims it isn’t possible.” you asked and the android furrowed his eyebrows.

“You mean deviants?” he quietly mumbled and his eyes shifted to the ground. “I… I don’t know, actually.”

“Oh, it’s okay. If you’re not deviant yourself, you can’t know how it is.” you answered, before pointing to your left. “This way.”

Leaves which were shriveled from the cold temperatures crunched beneath your feet, as you finally turned to your home street.

“Hey, I didn’t realize to ask. What’s your name?” you turned your gaze to the man once again and he gave you a smile.

“Markus. What’s yours?”

“Y/N L/N. Nice to meet you, Markus.”

“Nice to meet you too, Mx. L/N.”

“Please call me Y/N, I’m not some business dude.” you laughed again a bit before stopping by your apartment block. “Well, here we are. Do you want to come inside or…?”

“If you want, I can make sure you make it to your apartment.” he answered and then looked at you with a questioning gaze.

“Sure, if you want.” you shrugged and dug your keys from the bottom of your pocket.

Markus made you a hot drink and told you to rest for the rest of the day. And as he left, he promised you he’d stop to talk with you, if he ever sees you again.

And the thought of seeing Markus again warmed your heart. You couldn’t wait to see him again, and eventually, you did, after androids had been freed from the prison set up by humans.

[wannabemother-blog]

I stopped taking my birth control pills, and I’m not telling my boyfriend

I guess I just really needed to write this down, to sort out my thoughts and to maybe justify my actions in my own sick way even though I know what I’m doing is so wrong. To clarify, I haven’t taken my pills in two months, I’m currently on my second period. Also, I’m 21, I don’t know if that makes it better or worse, probably neither.

To start off with, I scoured the internet trying to find someone with the same or at least relatively same story as me, so I could try connect with someone on the same level, and maybe it would stick through my thick skull that I should start taking my pills again as soon as my period is over so I don’t run the risk of pregnancy for the third month in a row. I know what you’re probably thinking, “she has no idea what it’s actually like to raise a child” or maybe “she’s so young, and wasting her youth” or more possibly, “what a selfish bitch, conning her boyfriend like that” the last one is probably the only one I agree with.

Firstly, I know exactly what it’s like to still be awake at 4am with a teething child, on the brink of passing out of exhaustion, only to have another child wake up screaming from a nightmare, causing the other kids to wake up and having to put down the teething child screaming and running over to soothe one child while another asks you to get a cup of water for them because they’re too afraid to go in the kitchen at night. Trust me, I could run a day-care centre by myself, I practically already did. I know all of that doesn’t mean it’s okay to trick my boyfriend into thinking we’re having safe sex, but trust me, I’m getting there.

Having all this experience with kids, I think most people declare war on their uterus and faithfully vow to not have a single child until well into their 30s, however it did the complete opposite for me. One time, my brother accidently called me mum, and I cried tears of happiness after putting him back to bed. I might have been 15 at the time, and honestly since then I’ve been obsessed over the idea of having my own little humans. The joy when they take their first steps, when their babbles slowly turn into actual fathomable words, the night you realise it’s been a week since they asked you to tuck them into bed, when you pick them up out of the cot and they see your face they have the biggest smile. All these little (big) things make me so desperate to have my own children, to experience it all from a mother’s point of view.

I knew even before I was sexually active taking birth control would be a challenge for me, so I did the right thing and got the implanon. They can last up to 3 years, so naturally I opted for the longest possible option. However, after just one year, I had it taken out. That whole year I never stopped bleeding and my mood swings were out of this fucking world. To explain it simply, this one time I was washing up some dishes, my then-boyfriend was making himself a sandwich and asked if I wanted him to make me one. I screamed at him, I can’t even remember what I said, but for some reason I was so angry. And then I balled my eyes out crying for a few minutes, then I was hysterically laughing. The poor boy had no idea what to do. I took a 2 month break from birth control on my end, and I told my then-boyfriend, and he completely understood. Once the 2 month break was up, I opted for the shot, which is supposed to be given every 3 months. Shortly after my first shot I became single, and even though the shot had given me loads of trouble, I got the second shot just in case it would eventually work for me. It didn’t.

 The whole time I was on these birth control methods, my insides were screaming. My head was screaming. Give me babies, stop taking these damn hormones and get pregnant! I did a quick google and diagnosed myself as being clucky, and hoped I would soon get over it. It’s been 6 years, and I’m still not over it. I can’t describe the craving of wanting a child this badly. Every pregnant woman I saw, I got upset that I was not. Every family I saw, even on a clearly bad day, I was jealous of. Every friend or relative that had children I tried to avoid because it made me sad I didn’t have what they had. This wasn’t just an every now and then thing, it’s almost every single day. Forcing myself to take those birth controls was torture to me, it just felt so wrong, but I knew I had to do it. My past relationships are what you would definitely call dramatic shipwreck after dramatic shipwreck, and sometimes when describing them, I shock even myself.

So, cut to January this year when my current boyfriend and I had started to want to be ‘active’, I told him I wasn’t on any birth control, and that even if I did start taking the pill that day, it would take 2 weeks to be effective. It took me a long time to decide which birth control to take, I definitely didn’t want to be taking the pill, because it gave me too much power every day, and I would have to decide each and every single day to deny myself that desperate need. Clearly, I’ve caved into my selfish desires, hence writing this in the first damn place. But clearly the implanon and the shot simply didn’t want to agree with me, my only options left were the pill or an IUD of some sorts. I decided I really didn’t want a foreign object put in such a private area and it would be an extreme last resort, and so the pills were the only option left.

At first it was relatively easy to take the pills, yes I wanted children, but I was finally in a healthy relationship and I wanted to be young with him and have fun. Then I realised I had fallen in love, in actual love. I’ve never felt this strongly about someone, it creeps me out sometimes, and trying to think of my life without him was just imagining this vast black nothingness. All of this still doesn’t justify what I’ve chosen to do every day for the past 2 months. Our relationship has grown very quickly, we already live together, we share a car, and we help each other out with petrol bills and all that other crappy adult stuff. Heck, he’s actually proposed to me twice! I only turned him down because the first time I was drunk, and I actually got mad that he had proposed at such a bad time. The second time I was hungover, and once again gave him evil eyes. He admitted both times he asked in the heat of the moment, and that he’s actually glad I said no because he hasn’t even gotten a ring, yet alone asked my family or even told his family about his plans.

But anyway, I got side-tracked. Two months ago I stopped taking my pills, it wasn’t even a conscious decision, and I didn’t even plan it. One morning I just popped the pill into the bin instead of my mouth. Then another day went by, and another, and another, and suddenly I’m on my period. My breasts shrunk a bit, I got a touch of acne, but yet I still didn’t take up the pills again. I downloaded a period tracking app, trusty Clue, logged into it whenever we had sex, keeping tabs on when I was likely to ovulate. And here I am, once again on my period. The second month of being deceitful, and I still don’t know how I fully feel about it.

Yes, I know it’s wrong. Even though we have spoken about raising a family and getting married and building a house, we even talk about what our kids’ names will be, and how we will raise them and what we’ll feed them, it’s still wrong. I’m essentially lying to him every single day I don’t take those stupid pills. I do feel bad for lying, trust me I feel the guilt and the awkward moments the pills are randomly brought into conversation. I also feel as if we would be okay if I did end up pregnant, just typing that feels crazy. We have a rough plan for the next few years, and kids are a few years in the future, and it makes me happy that he even wants kids and that we talk about it at least once a week. I have a vague feeling he wants kids sooner, but he’s scared to admit it not only to me but to himself, and scared of what his family would think of us. Or maybe that’s just me being hopeful and looking far too deeply into things. And I know I might not be as perfect of a mother as I think I might be, but I’m still hopeful that I’d be great, it’s probably one of the only things I’m sure of.

So now, nearing the end, I’m forced to make a conscious decision. I can’t hide behind the false sense of not being fully aware of what I’m doing anymore, because clearly I am. And yet I know I won’t start taking those pills again. I simply don’t want to, and I can’t bring myself to go through the sadness of taking them every day. I know I won’t get pregnant instantly, clearly, otherwise I wouldn’t be wearing a pad and hunching over in agony over cramps. It might take a year, it might be next month, who knows. All I know is that the agony has subsided, but the guilt is rising. I know what the right thing to do is, yet I’m doing the opposite, but I also still think I’m a decent person. Knowingly doing something that is obviously wrong and deceitful may say a lot about someone, namely myself, however I don’t think it completely defines me as a person. For example, people still eat meat, even though they know that animal has been murdered for their pleasure. That doesn’t mean I’m a better person than a meat eater, more I’m knowingly doing something that is wrong, and I don’t have a logical or reasonable answer for why I’m doing it, yet I believe I’m still a good person.

At least now I’m being honest with myself, and maybe one day I’ll own up to my selfish actions. I don’t know what the future holds, part of me hopes it’ll take a few months to get pregnant, another part hopes I’ll start taking the pills again, even if it’s only every second month. In the end, I hope that in a few years I’m still with Alex, and that he still loves me as much as I love him, and maybe we’ll have a house together and I’ll have a full time job being able to support myself. And if I’m the luckiest person in the whole world, we’d have a child together.

[frailfallingtears]

too late

this is a story about a girl that i loved, i write this behind the safety of anonymity, i’ll tell you now it’s not a happy story. this is a story i write at 4am because i miss her, but i know it’s better that i let her live because of the pain that i’ve caused her. i want to tell this story because hopefully someone may read it, and not repeat the mistakes that i did.

my love was an amazing individual, she was caring, smart, had a bright future, a loving family, a good sense of humor, loyal, jealous (but the cute kind), had one of the cutest smiles, put me before herself in so many occasions, allowed herself to be pushed around because she wanted to make me happy. she was someone who would feel safe and secure just from a hug. she told me once that when we kissed, the world slowed down, and she couldn’t think of anything else. when we hugged it was like nothing could touch her. when we spent time together, it was the happiest she’s ever been. she put me before herself, and i never saw that. she was someone that traveled two hours just to see me for a day, and yet i struggled to meet her at a bus stop to walk to my house. i couldn’t walk 5 minutes to meet her at a bus stop and walk her back to my house, but she traveled two hours just to see me, even if it was only for an hour. this is probably one of my biggest regrets.

i let someone like that go, there was nothing wrong with her, in any persons eyes she was the perfect girlfriend, and love. but i didn’t see that, because i wasn’t satisfied, i wanted more. i spent a lot of time on social media, and got blinded by sm influences, and lost sight of the beauty that i had right in-front of me. so, when the time came when we had enough of the fighting, i had already begun to search for a new fling, which i did find. 

although i do regret doing the things i did with my fling while dating my love, this led to a series of events that led me to sit here and type this. 

on the day me and my love broke up, i kissed my fling, but of course before that there was flirting etc, but nothing more. i won’t defend myself, it was trash, and i still feel like trash for doing that. and of course as the stories say girls always find out, as she did. she got hurt of course. so hurt. so hurt to the point of i just wished that she would have gotten amnesia and forgotten about me completely. but she remembered, and i remember seeing her a few weeks afterwards, and how broken she was still. 

and of course my fling didn’t last long either. so i had hurt two girls because of my selfishness, and stupidity. all because i wasn’t satisfied or happy with what i had. a true fool. 

however, i believe the story will now begin having an upside. because of my fling, i realized all of these things about myself, how blind i was, and how dumb i still probably am. i learned about the dumb things i do while in a relationship and how toxic i can be. i learned a lot more, but thats not important. through learning these lessons, i came to realize as well how much i actually loved my love. how important and supportive she had been in my life. and how i just let that go because i wasn’t satisfied. now i sit her wishing that i could just go back and fix things with her properly, and never have done the things i did. but i can’t.

i’m stuck here without anyway to fix the things that i have done. no matter how hard i wish we could go back, it won’t happen. i live now knowing that she will never be able to look at me the same way she did when she’d get off that bus and see me and that huge smile came on her face. i have to accept that we can’t get back together because the people around her more than likely despise me, the relationships that i may have built have been crushed so far it can’t be regarded as square 1, but more like square -10. that i had hurt her so bad, that even now 1 year after we have split apart, the thought of me angers her, hurts her still. all because i was a fool. 

i have to accept reality, and realize that she’s gone for good, because of my actions. i learned the lessons, and had my realizations at the wrong time in my life, perhaps i even met her at the wrong time. but in the end, it was all too late.

if you read this. if you’re going to end things, if you meet someone else while dating, if you’re tired of how things are, if you want to try other things. try to end the current relationship on the best of terms. because one day you may come to realize that the girl/guy you left could have been the one on the other side of the alter. but because you destroyed your bridge with your foolish actions, that person you hurt, will never come to accept you. there are some relationships that are just impossible to fix. don’t be like me and sit at your computer at 4 in the morning regretting your actions. live your life without regrets. all i can do now is take these lessons, and memories, and one day give my s/o the love she deserves. 

always communicate with you’re s/o, and never let it get to the point where you say to yourself.. it’s too late.

[breathingwithdifficulty]

(sorry for all the posts about my sister lately but its 4am and i have to queue stuff and im thinking and ugh)

i just wish people would understand what i mean when i say that my sister is mean. i rarely rarely rarely use the word ‘abusive’ because most people’s minds jump straight to the worse thing, or they don’t know how to react, or they deny it, etc etc. but when i say ‘mean’ they just assume it’s a bit of sibling banter or she pushes me around a bit but i still love her. 

which... is partially right, but it’s different from that. i want to tell people. i want to scream it at all of my friends who say that my family life is perfect. i want to yell it to the sky and make someone understand because everyone hears what i tell them but none of them listen and it makes me feel awful and attention-seeking for wanting to tell people but i just want someone to understand.

i can only bring it up to my mom at certain times because she gets tired of listening to me and tells me to go away so she doesn’t start getting influenced by my negativity, which i understand but it makes me upset because she’s the only one who understands. my sister makes her uncomfortable too and she doesn’t like to be around her. she loves her, but she doesn’t like her. she listens. 

im just so frustrated. i can’t tell [ali] about it because they have an abusive mom and kinda just respond to everything about it like ‘oh... anyways..’ an i can’t tell anyone but [h] about it because she listens, kinda, but eventually she gets tired of it too. she gets tired when it’s reaching midnight and we’ve been on the phone for hours and im recounting stories she’s already heard and analyzing everything my sister’s done and eventually she just has to interrupt me, mid-sentence, and say “i have to go to bed now but i hope you feel better.” and then she hangs up and i can’t help but feel empty and unsatisfied because no matter how long i talk, there’s always more and she still doesn’t understand. 

whywhywhy do i feel the need to tell people? why am i so selfish? whywhywhywhywhywhywhy